Anticipation: My First Meet-Up

board games

As all of my friends know, I am a very introverted person. I think A LOT before I allow words to pass my lips. I take a very long time to process the incoming words and to formulate a response.

This is something about me that I haven’t always enjoyed as I do desire community and connection to others. I just also need my own quiet time to rejuvenation because being around people and holding conversations are all very draining to me.

I enjoy talking on the phone to two people: my husband and my mother. I can text or email until my fingers go numb; however, the phone is a different story.

I have always been a good listener. A lot of times I prefer things that way. I can sit in a group of people being completely happy just listening to what others say and not saying anything at all. Unfortunately, most people interpret my quietness as dislike or boredom. Sometimes, I even think I’ve responded to someone and in fact, I only responded in my mind.

That is why tomorrow is so monumental to me. Steve and I will be going to our first meet up tomorrow night for a board game night at a restaurant not too far from our home. The whole idea of meeting new people, forced socialization, learning/playing games is actually bringing my quiet a bit of anxiety.

On more than one occasion today I was actually shaking.

I’m not going to let that fear take over though. We’re going to go tomorrow and have a good time out with other people with similar interest in our community. This may not be the perfect meet up group to join, but we won’t know until we give it a whirl.

I’d be lying if I told you I’m not terrified, but just because I’m scared, I’m not going to talk myself out of it. And to stay accountable, I will even talk about it later this week!

Hope you all are having an amazing Monday!

A Wonderful Weekend

Its the weekend

My weekends typically start at noon on Fridays after working a 4 hour shift at work (I work 9 hour days the rest of the week). I typically follow up work with doing dishes and then heading to my weekly therapy session a few miles up the road.

This week was no different. My therapy session was good. I am getting better about making goals and actually executing them. There is still so much more I have to learn, and that is an exciting idea.

I had a few hours to myself and “accidentally” got sucked into more than an hour of cute cat and dog videos. Whoops!

My husband brought home our favorite thin crust vegetarian pizza from Papa Murphy’s and we watched this week’s episode of America’s Got Talent. We played some games and had fun. We also had some really great conversations. I cannot express how wonderful (and important) good communication skills are. I think it was sometime after 3am (Cue the Matchbox 20 music) that we finally went to sleep on our Purple mattress (I sure do love that thing!).

I have always struggled with insomnia and falling (and staying) asleep. Friday night was different. I crashed hard and I didn’t wake up half a dozen times throughout the night. My husband actually sent me back to bed this morning and I slept for almost two more hours (I think).

I was awoken to a wonderful (and healthy) breakfast in bed (see instagram @shethinks23 for pictures). We ate and talked and by about 11:45am we were out the door heading to our bonus day at the gym.

For the past two weeks I have been attending a Dance Fitness class at my gym for an hour every Saturday and it has been really fun. Here is what I have learned so far:

1) A hour of straight cardio is TOUGH!
2) My face gets really red.
3) I can sweat.
4) I have very little rhythm (especially in the hips department).
5) I hate messing up the moves (but do, a lot)
6) Bring extra water on these days.
7) I can do anything I put my mind to.

Although for now I haven’t formed any friendships in this class, I am encouraged by the possibility. Last week I stood in the back row and tried to hide myself in the corner. I was worried about being embarrassed about messing up the dance moves. This week, I moved to the middle row. I was still on an end, but that was merely because I am the tallest person in the class and I don’t want to block anyone’s view.
This class, even after only two weeks, has become a part of my routine. Dance on Saturdays is just what I do. And that’s an amazing feeling. I am already there with my week day gym routine, and it looks something like this (all week day gym trips are from 6:30am-7:40am before work):

gymMonday: Lower body + 30 minutes of cardio

Tuesday: Core + 30 minutes of cardio

Wednesday: Strength training with Stacie + 30 minutes of cardio

Thursday: Upper body + 30 minutes of cardio

Friday: Strength training with Stacie + 30 minutes of cardio

I am coming up on the end of my six weeks with this work out schedule, so it might change slightly in the coming weeks.

Confessional: I’m not looking forward to this first weigh in and measurements. I have had many successes in the past few weeks; however, I have had lots of failures too. This is my lifestyle now. Nothing worth doing will be easy. What I have learned from this experience is this:

1) Creating goals and setting up plans to achieve said goals is vital.

2) Goals are not set in stone. Good goals need to be constantly reevaluated and adjusted.

3) I have to forgive myself when I slip up. The saying ‘It’s not about falling, but how you pick yourself up’ (or something like that) is so true. I will slip up. I need to forgive myself and move on. Self hate will get me nowhere.

4) Find little ways to try harder and to keep pushing myself. I am capable of far more than I give myself credit for.

5) The weight I need to lose will come off eventually. I just need to be consistent. I am already so much stronger in my convictions when it comes to food. I am getting stronger everyday. I have even seen these glimmers (more often than every before in my life) of self confidence. This is exciting!

Post gym, we had our post-gym protein shake and took a quick shower. Our next stop was to look at a new apartment. We have been at our current places for almost four years, and although it has served us very well, we need more space (I work from home, and need an area to be creative that isn’t the corner of a room) and we want to get a pet. (We’re still discussing between a cat and a dog (eventually we want both); however, we needed a pet friendly place).

bwWe decided to check out my top pick (based on my two years of researching). It’s only a few miles from where we live currently and 5-10 minutes further from our gym, but everything else we could want or need was very close. I nearly cried putting into the complex. I kid you not, the trees seemed greener, and the buildings were breathtaking.

We walked up a large set of stairs into this royal looking leasing office. We looked around for a bit, and met the assistant manager that I had spoken with earlier in the week. We talked for a little while and then she took us out two look at two different floor plans.

The first was a two bedroom garden apartment. It had this beautiful stone archway getting in that I was loving. It was very nice. The kitchen was thin and the hallways were very narrow. It was nice, but it didn’t feel quite right. And then…

Well, before the “and then…” we were shown their 24-hour fitness center, salt water pool, and dog park. AND THEN… we were shown the 2 bedroom 1.5 bathroom townhouse apartment.

There was a small porch area that either flowers could be in planters or possibly a small patio table and chairs (or both). Then, you walk into the living room with crown molding and a wood burning fireplace (talk about cozy AND romantic). The hardwood floors were lovely too. On the left was the stairs, however, through a small entry way was the open kitchen and dining room. It has two closets, lots of cabinet space, lots of light, and a nice hidden area for… you guessed it, room for a washer and dryer (something we haven’t had in almost 10 years)! There was also a door out of the kitchen to a back patio. I was in love and I hadn’t even been upstairs yet.

Upstairs had two very spacious rooms. The single closet room had two nice windows and enough space for my desks, computers (personal and work), a craft area, the husband’s computer, and possibly a musical instrument or two. In between the room rooms was a full bathroom. The shower and toilet also have a door attached and the vanity and sink area are there too. The master bedroom was also perfect. His and Her closets, (I might have already called dibs on the larger one) and the best part was that the master bedroom opens up to this beautiful balcony overlooking the grounds. I am already picturing my herb garden, and at least a comfy reading chair out there.

All in all it was simply delightful and more than I could have ever hoped for. There is a problem though. We are not released from our current lease until the first of December, and so I have no idea if they will have any openings this winter. We are on a waiting list of sorts, and I plan on staying in contact with the assistant manager, but we will not have anything solid until the end of September at the soonest. I am trying (and failing) to not get my hopes up.

path of books

After this visit, we went to the library and then heading off to this vegetarian café for lunch (again, see instagram for pictures). It was delicious. We went to my most favorite book store: McKay’s. They deal in used books and you can buy/sell/trade there. Just being in a room with that many books is incredible! I walked out with a new journal and four books. My husband got a new game for his PS4, and we got a movie. Oh, we also still have almost $50 in credit so we didn’t pay a cent while there.

Once out of the store, we got fresh fruit smoothies from a little stand (strawberry, mango, and peach), and then headed to the grocery store. We’re addicted to the insanely cheap prices at Aldi’s and almost exclusively shop there. We had one more stop on the way home, but are happily resting now.

Although we didn’t do anything spectacular today, it has been one of the greatest days I have had in a very long time. I am one happy girl.

I did not intend this post to be quite this long, so apologies and I will try to keep them at a more manageable level in the future. Try being the key word.

veggies

It’s finger food for dinner tonight, so I need to get to chopping some veggies. I truly hope you have an amazing rest of your weekend and try to remember to enjoy the little moments in your life. Those little moments are what make it all worth it.

Wake Up, It’s Monday!

alarm clock

For me, most Monday’s are pretty terrible. I go from sleeping like a normal human being on the weekends to barely any sleep during the work week, and Sunday night into Monday’s are typically the hardest. This morning was no different.

I had a similar situation happen last Monday where I had barely slept three hours the previous night and getting up at 5:47am (I needed the three extra minutes to get out the door on time) was torturous. My dear husband insisted that I skip going to the gym that morning and sleeping for a few extra hours before work, and it was a life saver!

This morning, I had gotten about four and a half hours and although he sweetly suggested that I do the same and skip the gym, I decided to woman up and get out of bed to for the day. Sure, I was sluggish and slightly grumpy. But I was doing it despite multiple opportunities of catching a few more Z’s.

I cannot fully express how delighted I am that I went. I listened to great music (I know it’s going to be a good day when my Pandora starts me off with Ed Sheeran. It’s irrelevant that it’s an Ed Sheeran station!), and had an amazing work out. I am in week five of a six week program. Today, I dominated the gym with my semi-shakey-totally-still-weak upper body work out. I wrapped it up with 30 minutes on this fun cardio contraption. Think recumbent bike meets an elliptical. The short answer: it makes me sweat.

I ended up kicking off my Monday in an amazing way. When I went into work at 8am, I was alert and ready to own the work day. It’s a plus that I work from home and can not only be in my pajamas all day, but I can listen to Hulu/Netflix/CW app/CW Seed app/You Tube all day.

It was my night to make dinner. I started out making a veggie omelet, and it evolved into a deconstructed omelet (green peppers, onions, garlic, and tomatoes), with a little cottage cheese, half a cucumber (peeled), and three and a half strawberries. I didn’t finish, but it looked pretty. I’ll get better at taking pictures before devouring when I enjoy my accomplishments in the kitchen. My husband is a far better egg cooker than I am, but practice is the only way I will get better. One day, on omelet night, I will in fact make a proper omelet. Today just wasn’t that day.

We are rewatching Fringe and are currently two episodes away from finishing season one. Although there are some annoying quirks and personal bad writing choices, it is a fantastic show. We topped off the night with a walk around our neighborhood where we talked and laughed. We also played a little computer game after the walk.

That brings us to the here and now. One of my short term goals is to write everyday. It doesn’t matter in what form as long as I am getting my creative juices flowing. If you made it to the end of this post, thank you for reading! I wish you much health and happiness in your lives, and do what you can to make your Tuesday great!

A Long Time Ago

shoe

I need a sign, a vision
A calling for my life.
I need an honest answer
To knock on my heart.
I was surprised the day
I began to dig deeper.
You keep me on my toes.
Reading between the lines.
Learning lessons
I should have learned
A long, long time ago

When Life Gets you Down, Get Instagram

newlife

I have been M.I.A from the blog for about a month, but it has been on my mind a lot. My life has been turned upside down and inside out in the last few months, and recently, I haven’t felt motivated or inspired to write much of anything.

Last April I contemplated getting weight loss surgery, and instead started on this incredible fitness journey. My husband and I changed the way we ate completely, started to go to the gym, and between the two of us we lost over 150 pounds in the first six months.

I have struggled with my weight all of my life. I was pretty young when I started getting bigger, and to cope, I ate my feelings. I would sneak and lie about food all of the time. My mom tried putting me on diets that restricted my eating so much I thought I was going to starve which made me binge eat more then and it was something I have struggled with ever since.

Without getting into a lot of detail, in February, my marriage was put on the line. In a few short weeks, that struggle became too overwhelming and I gained 60 of the 70 pounds I had lost. I had given  up on everything. I binged relentlessly and kept eating until I was sick. Because if I made myself sick, I had something else to focus on other than the trials I was currently faced with.

I currently see a therapist once a week. She’s recommended me to start taking mood stabilizer medication; however, I’m not completely convinced that is something I actually need.  Being able to openly talk to someone without judgement though, has been a life saver. My husband and I are working on rebuilding our relationship, and most days, that is going wonderfully. I have recommitted myself to healthy eating. I also started back at an amazing gym and I work with the greatest personal trainer twice a week.

I have been back to the gym for almost a month, and although I don’t feel like I’ve gotten any results yet (I only weigh myself every 4-6 weeks and that first six week period hasn’t come up yet) I have successfully gone 5 days a week (6:30-7:40am Monday-Friday) since the beginning with the exception of a couple of days that surrounded an emergency trip to Oregon to visit my mom while she was in the hospital.

I’ve been struggling with depression my entire life; however, I am just recently starting to face it head on instead of trying to ignore or hide from it. It is a daily (sometimes hourly) struggle. I cry more now than I have ever in my entire life. I am currently in the process of retraining my brain how to think of myself in a positive light instead of always being so self sabotaging. It doesn’t always work… but sometimes it does. And that is an amazing start.

It is my goal to focus more on general writing, even if it’s just getting my thoughts out of my head and onto the screen on a more regular basis. I also started my very first Instagram account to track my progress in my fitness journey, and to see out the support of others that are currently going through similar things as me, and to seek motivation from those that have already succeeded.

I posted my first set of “before” photo’s today and that was the single most terrifying thing I have ever done. Sure, I only have like 20 followers right now, but before, I wouldn’t even let my husband see these pictures. I plan to post updates every 4-6 weeks with updated pictures at least. I also plan to document some of my new food adventures as I attempt to figure out what works for me in this process as a whole. This is how I am going to keep myself accountable.

Well, I think I’ve taken up enough time for now. Thank you so much for reading this, and I can’t wait to get back into life again!

 

~K