Releasing Thoughts

I cannot keep my thoughts in order long enough to make sense to the outside world.


It has been a long while since I have sat down at my computer (now my laptop, and I’m lying on my Purple bed instead of sitting in an uncomfortable computer chair) to free write anything that comes to mind. This is one of my most favorite activities because it allows me to clear my head and brain from all that has been cluttering it in recent weeks and months and to spit things out that I didn’t know were clogging up my mind.

The first thing that has become completely apparent to me is that I do not write nearly as much as I would actually like to. I think that is partly out of fear of failing at what I do. Fear that I will be judged and ridiculed for fancying something like the concept of writing for a career of what most would consider a traditional job. But here’s the thing, the times are changing and traditional jobs are epically boring. I should have to dread going to work every day. I shouldn’t have to feel completely emotionally spent after working a 9.5-hour shift. I don’t feel as though work should be the sole focus of my life.

What is out there that I love? What makes me happy? What bring joy and meaning to my life? Truthfully, very few things. My husband, most of my family, a few of my friends, and writing. Sure, there are many other things that I enjoy such as being out in nature, watching movies, listening to music, being a gamer; however, my true joy is writing. I’m far from good at it. Half the time I cannot keep my thoughts in order long enough to make sense to the outside world, but I have always felt a story in my heart and I think if for nothing else, getting it out on paper is something that I must do. Will it get published? Who knows! Heck, I’m not even sure I would share it with many more than my closest humans. Here is the thing, I wouldn’t be writing it for them. I would be writing it for me.

One of the lessons I was always taught as a kid (aside from the golden rule) was that practice made perfect. And although I have no desire to actually strive for perfection, I do want to be better than I was. I want to grow and change and learn. To accomplish this, that means that I will be writing more. Most of this writing will not likely make it to the public sector of my blog, but it will be writing nonetheless and that is what matters. I plan on focusing in on three main areas (with wiggle room in between of course!): Poetry, Fiction, Blog/Journaling. I will always emphasize on letter writing, story building and brainstorming, and simply talking about things that I love or that interest me.

Right now I am in the middle of attempting to catch up to the rest of the world that has been following along with the Game of Thrones story on HBO. I watched the first four seasons years ago and I am finally now ready to officially catch up. However, it has been so long that I have chosen to start from the beginning to get a clearer picture of everything that is going on in this unique world of fascinating characters. I have also been making a point to really look at each character individually and really analyze them and accept them as their own beings. I love the grandeur of the world Martin has taken in creating this world and I look forward to wherever it may go. I am currently on the final episode of Season one and hope to start into season 2 today.

Today; however, is a busy one. I had gym this morning where I got the honor of being pulled over for turning into the turn lane too soon. Thanks for the ticket and the mandatory driving class! I went to the gym with Steve and did my lower body day workout. I did my strength training well; however, I feel as though I could have pushed myself better/more on my cardio workout. Tomorrow I am with my trainer so after my session with her I will make sure to push myself harder than yesterday. I am still only in competition with myself, but I am awfully curious as to how far I can push myself. I truly believe that I am far more capable than I give myself credit for. It’s another 9.5-hour work day today (on my lunch right now… did I say that earlier?) and then as soon as Steve gets home from work we are heading to a local Mexican restaurant to participate in a weekly game night here in town. We have gone to two others of these meet ups and for the most part they have been fun. After we get home, possibly another episode of Game of Thrones and then I would like to get a little more writing in before heading to sleep.

My ten-minute writing timer just went off so I am going to end things here. I hope that you are having a great week so far and I will talk to you… type to you soon!

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