Tomorrow at noon I am participating in my first ever Dance Fitness Master Class. It is led by a woman named Kyya at my local gym and it is in support of the Lupus Foundation. It is a $10 class and it will last 90 minutes. A feat that I have yet to accomplish.
I have been struggling recently. I go back and forth with pure excitement and dread when it comes to this event. I’ve never been a huge people person, and I know this class will be packed. I am not a great dancer, which also leads to worry about screwing up in front of said people. I have been told time and again to not worry about what others think of me, but truth be told, it’s kind of a hard habit to break.
Have you ever walked into a room and you just know that people are judging every little thing about you—especially those things that you are most insecure about? I get that way all of the time. I just know people are making fun of my weight, or noticing that giant (but tiny) pimple on my chin, or that my hair is super fine and it looks like that I am losing my hair.
Sure, there may be some asshats out there that actually do that, but the truth is, that voice that is feeding your insecurities is coming from you. I am the one who is most judging myself because of my size. I am the one that is flooded with worry about people noticing a blemish. I am most insecure about my hair, so I would allow myself to tear myself apart. I would feed my own fear and shame flame.
This destructive pattern has to be broken. The more positive we think about ourselves, the more confident we will be in everything that we do. The truth is, everyone is so consumed with self, that most of the time they don’t have the time or energy on focusing on others and their insecurities.
I have to remind myself of these things on a daily basis. Sometimes more often than that. But the more I encourage myself. The more I tell myself good things. The better I feel and the happier I will live.
Tomorrow, I am going to walk into that Master Class with my head held high. I am going to allow myself to enjoy the dancing. I will forgive myself when I mess up or when I cannot keep up with the rest. I will have a good time and I will feel good about myself. I will walk out of that class a better person not just for doing the work out, not just doing something for charity, but for simply being true to who I am and accepting myself with all of my imperfections. The freedom to be myself without fear or judgment or shame. That’s pretty powerful.
Hello, my name is Kristin and I am perfectly imperfect.