Wake Up, It’s Monday!

alarm clock

For me, most Monday’s are pretty terrible. I go from sleeping like a normal human being on the weekends to barely any sleep during the work week, and Sunday night into Monday’s are typically the hardest. This morning was no different.

I had a similar situation happen last Monday where I had barely slept three hours the previous night and getting up at 5:47am (I needed the three extra minutes to get out the door on time) was torturous. My dear husband insisted that I skip going to the gym that morning and sleeping for a few extra hours before work, and it was a life saver!

This morning, I had gotten about four and a half hours and although he sweetly suggested that I do the same and skip the gym, I decided to woman up and get out of bed to for the day. Sure, I was sluggish and slightly grumpy. But I was doing it despite multiple opportunities of catching a few more Z’s.

I cannot fully express how delighted I am that I went. I listened to great music (I know it’s going to be a good day when my Pandora starts me off with Ed Sheeran. It’s irrelevant that it’s an Ed Sheeran station!), and had an amazing work out. I am in week five of a six week program. Today, I dominated the gym with my semi-shakey-totally-still-weak upper body work out. I wrapped it up with 30 minutes on this fun cardio contraption. Think recumbent bike meets an elliptical. The short answer: it makes me sweat.

I ended up kicking off my Monday in an amazing way. When I went into work at 8am, I was alert and ready to own the work day. It’s a plus that I work from home and can not only be in my pajamas all day, but I can listen to Hulu/Netflix/CW app/CW Seed app/You Tube all day.

It was my night to make dinner. I started out making a veggie omelet, and it evolved into a deconstructed omelet (green peppers, onions, garlic, and tomatoes), with a little cottage cheese, half a cucumber (peeled), and three and a half strawberries. I didn’t finish, but it looked pretty. I’ll get better at taking pictures before devouring when I enjoy my accomplishments in the kitchen. My husband is a far better egg cooker than I am, but practice is the only way I will get better. One day, on omelet night, I will in fact make a proper omelet. Today just wasn’t that day.

We are rewatching Fringe and are currently two episodes away from finishing season one. Although there are some annoying quirks and personal bad writing choices, it is a fantastic show. We topped off the night with a walk around our neighborhood where we talked and laughed. We also played a little computer game after the walk.

That brings us to the here and now. One of my short term goals is to write everyday. It doesn’t matter in what form as long as I am getting my creative juices flowing. If you made it to the end of this post, thank you for reading! I wish you much health and happiness in your lives, and do what you can to make your Tuesday great!

A Long Time Ago

shoe

I need a sign, a vision
A calling for my life.
I need an honest answer
To knock on my heart.
I was surprised the day
I began to dig deeper.
You keep me on my toes.
Reading between the lines.
Learning lessons
I should have learned
A long, long time ago

When Life Gets you Down, Get Instagram

newlife

I have been M.I.A from the blog for about a month, but it has been on my mind a lot. My life has been turned upside down and inside out in the last few months, and recently, I haven’t felt motivated or inspired to write much of anything.

Last April I contemplated getting weight loss surgery, and instead started on this incredible fitness journey. My husband and I changed the way we ate completely, started to go to the gym, and between the two of us we lost over 150 pounds in the first six months.

I have struggled with my weight all of my life. I was pretty young when I started getting bigger, and to cope, I ate my feelings. I would sneak and lie about food all of the time. My mom tried putting me on diets that restricted my eating so much I thought I was going to starve which made me binge eat more then and it was something I have struggled with ever since.

Without getting into a lot of detail, in February, my marriage was put on the line. In a few short weeks, that struggle became too overwhelming and I gained 60 of the 70 pounds I had lost. I had given  up on everything. I binged relentlessly and kept eating until I was sick. Because if I made myself sick, I had something else to focus on other than the trials I was currently faced with.

I currently see a therapist once a week. She’s recommended me to start taking mood stabilizer medication; however, I’m not completely convinced that is something I actually need.  Being able to openly talk to someone without judgement though, has been a life saver. My husband and I are working on rebuilding our relationship, and most days, that is going wonderfully. I have recommitted myself to healthy eating. I also started back at an amazing gym and I work with the greatest personal trainer twice a week.

I have been back to the gym for almost a month, and although I don’t feel like I’ve gotten any results yet (I only weigh myself every 4-6 weeks and that first six week period hasn’t come up yet) I have successfully gone 5 days a week (6:30-7:40am Monday-Friday) since the beginning with the exception of a couple of days that surrounded an emergency trip to Oregon to visit my mom while she was in the hospital.

I’ve been struggling with depression my entire life; however, I am just recently starting to face it head on instead of trying to ignore or hide from it. It is a daily (sometimes hourly) struggle. I cry more now than I have ever in my entire life. I am currently in the process of retraining my brain how to think of myself in a positive light instead of always being so self sabotaging. It doesn’t always work… but sometimes it does. And that is an amazing start.

It is my goal to focus more on general writing, even if it’s just getting my thoughts out of my head and onto the screen on a more regular basis. I also started my very first Instagram account to track my progress in my fitness journey, and to see out the support of others that are currently going through similar things as me, and to seek motivation from those that have already succeeded.

I posted my first set of “before” photo’s today and that was the single most terrifying thing I have ever done. Sure, I only have like 20 followers right now, but before, I wouldn’t even let my husband see these pictures. I plan to post updates every 4-6 weeks with updated pictures at least. I also plan to document some of my new food adventures as I attempt to figure out what works for me in this process as a whole. This is how I am going to keep myself accountable.

Well, I think I’ve taken up enough time for now. Thank you so much for reading this, and I can’t wait to get back into life again!

 

~K

Out to Sea

sea

The silence between consumes.
For every unspoken word,
a thousand run wildly
through the mind.
Unfiltered and uncontrolled.

Heartbroken.
Outcome unknown.
How does one verbalize, a
shattered soul?

Desperate for love,
only knows loss.
Drowning, as an infinite ocean
swallows you whole.
Pushing you down, and
dragging you out to sea
for eternity.

Opportunity

images

It’s just another day
Quite like the others before
Yet something strange
Comes knocking at my door.

Opportunity arises
From an unlikely place
And leaves me to wonder
About all of the human race

Choices are made
Each and every day
Yet what we decide
Will shape our way

It’s not the end that matters
But the journey we take
One step at a time
My own future, I make.

Let Us Embrace

universe

Everything happens for a reason.
All the struggles, and the pain
build and create unique character.
The people we meet,
the lives we influence
Those that change us
from the inside out.
Throughout time and space
our path is placed
among the stars systems
of the universe.
Instead of fighting destiny,
let us embrace.

Darkness Falls

blue_moon_setting_sept_1_2012-10

Darkness falls against the earth
Every hope and desire fades into black
Pain punctures the fatigued, as
Remorseless winter begins

Existence is extinguished
Struggle is overwhelming
Survival through the void
Is the only way to light.

On the horizon, I gasp for air, and a
New day breaks the silence.

Work of Art

love

I have your heart in my hands, beating strong
And it fills me with hope and intense desire
Like the sun peeking through the clouds after a storm
Bringing light and warmth, the feeling of being alive again.
The way you say my name: slow, deep, and with purpose
Leaves me breathless and yearning for more
You proclaim your love openly to the world,
And with a whisper against my ear
I am swept away.
Your smile mesmerizes and I am instantly captivated
What should be a simple glance from you in my direction
Turns my reality into a work of art.